top ten :: things weddings could do without

This list is my list. It may not be your list. But I attend and plan so many weddings that I starting to get a little irked with decade-old style, tired trends, outdated venues, lazy vendors and thoughtless guests. You just have to vent every once in a while, right? If you have pet peeves, please add some of your own in the comment section. How many of you have been lucky enough to have some of this great stuff in your wedding? If I had gotten married ten years ago, I’m sure I’d have a long list to add. Please enjoy…it’s all in good fun. 

TEN :: Rude onsite coordinators whose favorite word is NO and invoke the phrase “fire hazard” in order to halt all things creative. 

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NINE :: Women who wear white to a wedding. And yes, ivory, cream, off white and eggshell are all considered white too. Don’t think adding a gold sweater makes it acceptable. It is still white. It isn’t too much to ask–don’t wear white–let the bride have her day. For more on dressing as the perfect guest, The Supermelon has a quick overview here

Image from Beestyle.Blogspot

Image from Beestyle.Blogspot

EIGHT :: Ugly ballroom carpet. Great. I guess I know what my color scheme will be. I mean…who is the guy that picked this?

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SEVEN :: No shows. Maybe you have someone in the hospital. Maybe you got in a car accident. Maybe your kid is sick. I get it. A wedding isn’t life or death. But seriously, if you just feel like doing something else when the wedding day approaches, consider how much the bride and groom have spent because you told them you’d be there. I hate seeing how many escort cards go unclaimed at a wedding. 

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SIX :: Not leaving if the baby breaks down into screams during the ceremony. Babies cry–that’s what they do. And I know you’ll be bummed if you leave and miss your favorite “with this ring I thee wed” part of the vows. But this is the most important vow a person can make, and now the bride and groom will get to enjoy your child’s screaming as a background accompaniment. 

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FIVE :: Silk flowers. I’m sorry if you love them. I know you want to keep your bouquet forever–or maybe you’ve been told they are cheaper. It’s not that I think they are ALWAYS bad. (My photos below compare apples to apples–both are peonies, but which are real?) It’s just that we all know they are fake. It’s like saying you’d rather have a cubic zirconium than a real diamond. No one will ever know. But you’re still choosing the imitation over the real thing. Don’t hate me–I just don’t do silk.

Left photo source. Right photo from Brides.com

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FOUR :: Bridesmaid torture. I need not say more. Source

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THREE :: Water. Mirrors. Floating. Submersion. Petals. Voila! Centerpiece. Source

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TWO :: White fence things and all the reception sites who remain steadfast in the belief that brides will book their venue because of this extra decorative element. (Who are we kidding anyway? These things are used to cover up unsightly eye sores). Let’s not forget to mention the massive swathes of colored tulle–lavender no less; and a tiered cake with enough room at the bottom for what looks like a fountain. Oh, and the bows. And the rose petals. Too good to be true. 

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ONE :: DJs. You’re not introducing the starting lineup for the Lakers. It’s not a boxing match or the WWF. The bride and groom aren’t about to compete in the olympics and you aren’t a rapper, so the guests most likely won’t want to “get their hands up!” We’re super excited to celebrate this wedding, so it’s okay to ease off on the “Let’s Get Ready to Rumble” approach. 

3 Comments

Filed under top ten

3 responses to “top ten :: things weddings could do without

  1. Hayley

    sooo funny! i am always amazed at women who don’t know the rule about not wearing white to a wedding. also, the ugly cake and lattice couldn’t be funnier.

  2. cliff

    Very funny!! Sad part is it’s so true, people that are guests just don’t get it!!
    This IS one of the most important days of your life, and without a kind heart you could leave the new couple a memory……..just maybe NOT one they wanted to remember!!!!
    Thanks, and keep up the good work. Us guy’s need ALL the help we can get!!

  3. this is so adorable! i’m currently planning a wedding and have taken careful notes here🙂
    thanks for the laugh!

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